The Cost of War

by

Dawn Ott Bollhoefer

The cost of war is high, we know that, but we don’t often think of that cost in terms of family dynamics and the generational cost involved.

A young man and a young woman fall in love and marry during the worst worldwide conflict our world has seen. They have high hopes for the future. They even see an end to the conflict on the horizon.

An urgent return to the ship for him and a doctor’s appointment for her. He sets out on a secret mission, and she goes home to Iowa to see her mother dealing with overwhelming fatigue and sickness.

Less than a month later, the telegram comes. Japan has surrendered, the war is over, but the telegram tells another story.

Her letter telling him that she is most likely pregnant is returned, unopened.

Her world changes. Her hopes and dreams of life with the man she so deeply loved were crushed. We know that his dreams were fulfilled, although he never got to know that. His sister tells us that he had three dreams in life...1) To be a sailor, 2) To marry the girl he fell in love with in elementary school, and 3) To be a father. The following February, twins are born. A boy and a girl. Named after their parents.

Within a few years, they essentially lost their mother, too. They were raised by their maternal grandmother.

Within 20 years, grandchildren started to arrive. Grandchildren who would not know their grandmother but would read her letters many years later and know that her heart was still broken over the loss of her sailor. They would read how much she appreciated her mother raising her twins. They would read that, in at least that first year, she wanted to send her first grandchild a gift for Christmas.

The family had been fractured. A fracture that began with torpedoes slamming into the side of a ship. A fracture that grew wider as children grew and had children of their own. A fracture that kept a family mourning and grieving apart from each other. A fracture that fed into separation on several levels. A fracture that kept cousins from knowing each other. A fracture that caused resentments, anger, sadness, misunderstanding. A fracture that we may never fully understand the repercussions of.

A fracture that took nearly 75 years to start healing. A sweet younger sister of the sailor, now in her early 90’s, found that first grandchild and reached out. 5 years later, the family spends more time together, sharing bits and pieces of their grief and of their lives. They are finding little ways to heal the fracture that began so long ago.

The cost of war is high, but often that cost is underestimated. The cost reverberates through the generations, often goes unseen and covert.